Diet culture really is everywhere

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Went to the salon recently. I’ve been growing out my hair, going from ultra processed to natural to try to get my hair healthy. And finally, years after starting, I was finally able to go back to my bleached hair so I could have my pink and purple ombré back. *sigh of relief*

During the process of stripping out all the mineral build up (to make the color lift more effective), I was reading Linda Bacon’s “Health at Every Size”, and simultaneously hearing one of the colorists discuss her current diet and exercise plan, and her current attempts at weight loss.

Later, while the lift was being applied, I listened while the person next to me talked to her colorist about how a tan makes you look skinnier and healthier, and how much better you’ll be with a smaller body as spring and summer approach. You know – shorts, short sleeves…these things matter!

Now that I have some awareness, I’m amazed at the prevalence of this focus. I don’t think I ever realized quite how much our world insists that skinny is better, that we’ll be happier when we’re smaller. And I’m so glad I’m shifting away from the mindset.

I didn’t say anything to either woman about my current realization that weight doesn’t matter – they were not conversations I was a part of, and it didn’t feel appropriate. But I can’t wait until diet culture becomes less prevalent in every day life. I can’t wait until I can stop focusing on those kinds of thoughts and comments, and the things we see every day advertised or posted about in social media, that make us believe that our bodies are not ok the way they are.

Initial thoughts on leaving weight loss behind

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After listening to the podcast episode “Can you be body positive and want to lose weight” (Rebecca Scritchfield’s Body Kindness podcast, from 10/2016), I’ve started to think about what this journey means to me.

Although I’m late to this episode, I really strongly resonate with the idea of wanting to lose weight, but wanting to be positive about my body. I’ve just recently come to body kindness and this whole world of leaving diet culture, and I am definitely still feeling that desire to lose weight.

I am working so hard to try to not let weight loss or a different body shape/size be my focus or drive my motivation, but I acknowledge that I’m not there yet. I have not turned to diet culture again (I am not restrictive, no foods are off limits), but I am afraid that searching for movement that I love again will make it even more difficult to shift my focus away from weight loss, because I would hope for that to be an outcome.

I have recently thought about trying to box or dance again, have considered learning about Tai Chi (it feels like a somewhat natural transition from yoga to something else because of the mind-body connection in both areas), and I know I want to be stronger again because of my knee. I miss the feeling of strength I used to have when using my legs to jump and sprint in volleyball. And I can’t yet shake the thought that if I was lighter, it wouldn’t be so hard, and would be less strenuous for my body.

I’m also admittedly scared to death of gaining more weight before my best friend’s wedding in November. I want to fit into a nice dress in a way that is attractive, and my brain hasn’t yet transitioned to believing that my body shape is attractive.

I’m learning, and I’m working towards change, but this feeling and this acknowledgment is an indication of just how far I have to go. Figuring out what healthy means for me, and how to get where I want to be, mentally and physically, is a journey I’m both daunted by, and excited to start on.